For what, I sometimes wonder; so that she can struggle to breathe through most of her life feeling half her strength, and then die of self-poisoning, as her grandfather did?

• 有时候我就想:到底是什么让她耗费了半生的精力却又因此一生苦苦挣扎不得解脱,像她的祖父一样在这种不得解脱的痛苦中抑郁而终?